peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
