I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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