Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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