I'm sorry my penis didn't work
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
