Where is the hickey?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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