I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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