I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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