After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
