wanna go halves on a baby?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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