do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
