dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
