Sponge bath it is.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
