I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I look excited, but its just a facade.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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