Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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