I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
