It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
