alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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