i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He passed out mid-signature
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
