he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!