she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole