I puked a lego.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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