my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
