There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
