Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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