I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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