Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
