Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Randomize
