Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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