a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
