the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
