I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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