Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
