tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
