I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
