Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
