I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
