well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
