is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
