remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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