we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
