You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
