6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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