So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
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