I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
