She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Two words: nipple clamps
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