Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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