I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
