there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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