When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
