I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This is classic penis vs brain.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
