So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
