My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
