OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
