Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
