i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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