Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
