I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
