dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
