It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
