careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
