so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
