why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
