That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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