remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
