there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
