I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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