just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
