I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
