I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
