He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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