Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
