What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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