how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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