I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
