"it" just moved
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
