So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
